A Feminist who Loves Death Metal?

Last night we drove to St. Louis to attend a two-stage metal fest that featured the bands Goatwhore and Dying Fetus. Our friend's band All Eyes Upon Adelaide also played and we love seeing them live.

To me, there is nothing like live, loud music to drown out all the sorrows and suffering in the world. Not only does my body physically benefit from the amazing pain relieving properties of throbbing amps, but I get a lot out of hanging out with metal heads. I'm going to tell you a secret. . .

Louis Benjamin Falgoust II of Goatwhore making time for fans during the sound check.

 Metal guys are among the most intelligent and sweetest guys in the world. Yes, you get the occasional jerk who's there to use his drinking as excuse to start fights in the pit, but those guys are so easy to spot.  I love talking to people at shows because if you have a dark sense of humour like I do there aren't many places to adequately express oneself.

Don't I have a conflict with my liberal feminist beliefs and metal lyrics? No. I don't. Art is a different category for me and metal bands, for the most part, are not out there perpetuating stereotypes about real women.  Instead, the type of metal I love most, death metal, is for the most part a way to relieve rage through music. Maybe that's why so many of those guys are so genuinely awesome? Rage filled, hate spewing music actually gives us an outlet to relieve feelings like those. Weirdly, music that to some people may resemble a wall of unwanted noise is a way for those of us who love it to get in touch with our emotions.

Now sitting here at home the day after with a headbanging hangover (stupid girl!) I realize that I have the time to analyze the metal subculture. At the show most of us aren't thinking along these lines. We are socializing, drinking, and having fun. Metal is a tribe that those of us who are passionate about it would and do literally bleed for. The ritualistic, shamanic connection in live metal shows is so obvious. Headbanging, moshing, even standing still alters the consciousness of each person and we are transported along with the music.

When Goatwhore played I felt this incredible energy rise from the crowd. The air was thrumming with not just the bass lines, but with a movable force that shimmered over us, sped through us, and whirled in a vortex matching the movement of the moshers behind those of us in the front row. I felt like a priestess churning a cauldron of pure spirit.

Beautiful madness.

Much like my love of Goth music and my self-identification as a Gothy type, the metal I listen to deals with themes of death, isolation, and the darker side of life that the wider culture shuns away from. Being in touch with our shadow (if you want to get Jungian) is a key to unlocking our full person.  The lyrics of the bands I truly enjoy are incredibly poetic and some political in nature.

To end this I'll leave you with a snippet of lyrics from Collapse in Eternal Worth from Goatwhore's latest album Blood for the Master.

The spirit of twilight
Reclaim this dark power
Digest the archetype
In this verse of hate

This abhorrent manner
Filthy rite of outrage
A trembling coldness
The collapse of reason

Mount the wings of death
Wield the scythe of this ancient craft
Poison heavens in the blackest flame
Rise forth from this decay

Getting Better!

Yesterday I spent all day drinking fruit smoothies, raw veggies, lots of water, and veg tofu soup. I stayed in bed under a heated blanket and also took extra B complex. Today I woke up feeling a bit better. I'm so relieved. I felt so sick yesterday.

Above you can see my Zombie brew mug full of soup. I think having things you like to look at helps how one feels about oneself.

Spring Fever, literally!

My husband is on spring break now and so am I since I have been subbing lately.

Unfortunately we both have come down with something. Yesterday we were going to go to the roller derby and had to turn around. It really crept up on us. Being sick is hard on anyone, but it hits me so hard due to my other health issues. I've actually been doing really well health wise. Being vegan this past year (from previously vegetarian) helped me a lot. I had a lot of problems healing from a series of 5 surgeries that I had and switching to vegan helped my wounds finally heal. For the past two months I've also been eating very low glycemic. I have to be gluten free due to Celiacs (ha, my immune system is wild!) and I've had an aversion to sugar for awhile (not liking the taste). Then at some point I started to have what I thought was a daily panic attack. It turned out to be caused by hypoglycemia. Two days on a low glycemic diet and I've no panic attacks in two months!

Sometime I'll write a proper food post. I do love food. :D

For now, I'm going to lay in bed and attempt to get well. I have plans for Tuesday and we do want to enjoy his time off. Wish me luck!

Happy Wedding Anniversary!

Four years ago Dustin and I got married.

I'm actually editing a video about it to put up sometime this week.

We had a nice day together and went to the library. We're saving money to go see our friend's band play with some national metal acts next week. (Goat Whore and Dying Fetus, I know, I know the names are metal, what can I say...)

For our anniversary we took a picture that would look like a band photo because we've been joking about the way band photos always look for local bands. Heck, even for some bigger bands.

I'm wearing the same shirt I made in preparation for our wedding in 2008.  Back then I was very active on the Offbeat Bride site and even got featured in one of her ads. It was very cool. We looked at our wedding as a party. We had a Christian ceremony and then a reception with 5 metal bands, vegan sushi, and lots of alcohol.

Today Dustin left work early and we got some supplies for dinner, took photos, watched a video game documentary, and went to the university library to find some cool books.

Substitute Forensics, Library Night and the Nook

Last night I received a text from my friend who coordinates substitutes and was asked if I could come in. I was more than happy to say yes. The school is a private, special education focused high school and I love the students. Classes are small (4-7 students has been the average so far) and it just feels right teaching there. Over the last year since I've been out of school I've done a lot of IT related free lancing from building websites to writing technical manuals and it's nice to go in and work with people in a setting like this.

Today I subbed for a science teacher so my classes ranged from chemistry to forensics. The students were all working on papers, however, so no crime lab investigations happened. Darn it! There was a cute, albeit skinny fellow, who stood watch over me as I guided the students in the fine art of citing sources in a science paper.

After school got out my husband had good news for me. My birthday is in February (another post about our Star Trek related experiences is forthcoming) and usually his parents give me something small. Well, they told me they were getting me something special, but the company they ordered it from delivered it to the wrong address. Finally, today it arrived. Wow. I was a floored. They got me a Nook Tablet. My birthday gifts this year were amazing.

However, I was not to use the Nook yet. Instead, I decided to walk to the university library with my husband as he had a group project that required a meeting. Ouch, my joints! The weather is slightly cold here and very damp, so not good for aches and pains. I really wanted to see him though. He works and is at school all the time and since he's my best friend it's hard being away from him so much.

Luckily the library rotunda has some comfy seating with footrests.

After what seemed like forever he was finally done and we walked home. I made us some barbecue tofu and fired up the Nook. Wow. It's amazing. I am in love with it. Books are wonderful and I believe first, and foremost in paper books, but I know this Nook is going to save me on days I'm ill. Plus, I also am a tech junkie.

I made my first e-book purchase, ever! I got Lords of Chaos about the black metal related church burnings amongst other things. The Satanic part of the title is misleading since many of the original black metal folks were devoted to the Norse Pantheon (a subject I'm fascinated with). I've wanted to read this for quite awhile, so we'll see how it is. I have so many books going right now.

Whew. Now I'm ready for bed!

Moving

Ok, so after the long, long holiday season in December of visiting many folks all over the state we started the new year with moving!! We didn't expect to move, but my allergies were getting so bad living in a small, rural town surrounded by forest that I felt I couldn't survive our last summer down here without moving. So we moved back to the city where Dustin is finishing university. We found a building surrounded by cement that is all brick and mortar, so no mold. I'm already doing so much better I can't believe it.

 

The kitchen has all black appliances and beautiful marble counters.

 There are little shelves everywhere for me to decorate.

There isn't much carpet so that helps my allergies a lot!

Sometime soon I'm going to make a video tour of the apartment and put it on my youtube channel. I loved living above a friend in our old duplex, but living in this basement apartment with so few allergens has improved my life so much.

Whoops!

Well I became very busy and neglected blogging on here, but I have a new commitment to blog something everyday in March. I have downloaded a blogger app for my phone to help me!

Here's what I've been up to:

1. Moving (which took several weeks). I love our new apartment and am so much happier now.
2. Training for a temporary online job and then doing said job. (Took forever).
3. Taking the necessary steps to get a substitute certificate and started subbing at a great private school.
4. Helping some friends with projects.
5. Making videos on youtube.

For example:

I have a youtube channel!!!  http://www.youtube.com/user/BlackBatsSociety?feature=watch

So more updates coming!