A Feminist who Loves Death Metal?

Last night we drove to St. Louis to attend a two-stage metal fest that featured the bands Goatwhore and Dying Fetus. Our friend's band All Eyes Upon Adelaide also played and we love seeing them live.

To me, there is nothing like live, loud music to drown out all the sorrows and suffering in the world. Not only does my body physically benefit from the amazing pain relieving properties of throbbing amps, but I get a lot out of hanging out with metal heads. I'm going to tell you a secret. . .

Louis Benjamin Falgoust II of Goatwhore making time for fans during the sound check.

 Metal guys are among the most intelligent and sweetest guys in the world. Yes, you get the occasional jerk who's there to use his drinking as excuse to start fights in the pit, but those guys are so easy to spot.  I love talking to people at shows because if you have a dark sense of humour like I do there aren't many places to adequately express oneself.

Don't I have a conflict with my liberal feminist beliefs and metal lyrics? No. I don't. Art is a different category for me and metal bands, for the most part, are not out there perpetuating stereotypes about real women.  Instead, the type of metal I love most, death metal, is for the most part a way to relieve rage through music. Maybe that's why so many of those guys are so genuinely awesome? Rage filled, hate spewing music actually gives us an outlet to relieve feelings like those. Weirdly, music that to some people may resemble a wall of unwanted noise is a way for those of us who love it to get in touch with our emotions.

Now sitting here at home the day after with a headbanging hangover (stupid girl!) I realize that I have the time to analyze the metal subculture. At the show most of us aren't thinking along these lines. We are socializing, drinking, and having fun. Metal is a tribe that those of us who are passionate about it would and do literally bleed for. The ritualistic, shamanic connection in live metal shows is so obvious. Headbanging, moshing, even standing still alters the consciousness of each person and we are transported along with the music.

When Goatwhore played I felt this incredible energy rise from the crowd. The air was thrumming with not just the bass lines, but with a movable force that shimmered over us, sped through us, and whirled in a vortex matching the movement of the moshers behind those of us in the front row. I felt like a priestess churning a cauldron of pure spirit.

Beautiful madness.

Much like my love of Goth music and my self-identification as a Gothy type, the metal I listen to deals with themes of death, isolation, and the darker side of life that the wider culture shuns away from. Being in touch with our shadow (if you want to get Jungian) is a key to unlocking our full person.  The lyrics of the bands I truly enjoy are incredibly poetic and some political in nature.

To end this I'll leave you with a snippet of lyrics from Collapse in Eternal Worth from Goatwhore's latest album Blood for the Master.

The spirit of twilight
Reclaim this dark power
Digest the archetype
In this verse of hate

This abhorrent manner
Filthy rite of outrage
A trembling coldness
The collapse of reason

Mount the wings of death
Wield the scythe of this ancient craft
Poison heavens in the blackest flame
Rise forth from this decay

Last Costume!

Monday night we went out for vegan sushi (avocado and seaweed yum!).  We wore our costumes. Our friend and neighbor made a cool steampunk Alice in Wonderland dress for herself, but I won't post her photo since I'm not sure she'd want me to do it.

I dressed up as an alchemist/witch.  I played an alchemist in Pathfinder, a game system that is similar to Dungeons and Dragons. 

 Alchemist garter belt that I got at a pirate faire. Bloomers from Etsy and my skull dice bag made a nice pouch .

 Here you can see my rings and a full size picture of the whole outfit next to the big, carved wooden dragon that the sushi place has in their foyer.  It was a fun time. 

Halloween or Samhain is the anniversary of Dustin asking me to marry him in 2008!  We were at a metal show and he proposed and gave me a black pearl ring.  I no longer wear the ring because my joints swell randomly and one ring is all I can do on any finger, sometimes no ring at all.  Anyhow, he surprised me by bringing home a soy latte for me and delivered it to me in bed!  Espresso is romance to me.

Vampire Halloween

Typically I dress in all black, but for Halloween I decided to dress up as a sort of vampire doll in all white. The veneers are flexible dental veneers that I got from Vampfangs.com and even though they come with a custom mold maker I decided it would be easier and less toxic to buy dye/additive free denture paste and stick them in with that. This proved to work out well and after a few hours with them in I got used to talking and sipping a vodka tonic with my new teeth.

The wig is from a cosplay site on Ebay and was shipped from Hong Kong (my favorite city in the world!).  The choker used to belong to a friend but she gave it to me. I happened to have it in my bag and decided it just added the right touch.

Here's the full dress. The lighting wasn't great at the tavern we went to, but the dress is an Elegant Gothic Lolita one-piece or OP from Bodyline. I love the EGL subculture, but I rarely wear my dresses because of my pain levels. Usually I think, oh blah I hurt too much to wear a dress, but it was actually
surprisingly fine.

The bands that played included one of our friend's who my husband used to be in a metal band with.  The other band that played was one of the bands that played at our wedding. They are so amazing and such kind men.  While their music sounds really brutal and loud it is their way of coping with issues like depression and even for one of them chronic illness. I can relate to that.  


All in all it was a wonderful night. The tavern had padded bar stools circa 1985 that were in great shape and very comfortable. I even did a bit of dancing. Loud music distracts me from how I feel physically and I love that!  Hubby was a black and white Mad Hatter. He looked great!

Tonight we are going to a friend's house for Halloween party number two!  I have a different costume for tonight!